The word regret has echoed through my life a lot these past few years.
Not just in breakups or career choices, but in quiet conversations with friends and family—moments that stay with you long after they happen. Regret doesn't always show up in big dramatic scenes. Sometimes, it's a whisper. A pause. A sentence you can’t forget.
One of those moments came when a dear family member joined me to bouldering I’d invited them to—something I did often and loved deeply. Afterward, they turned to me and said, “I regret not doing this earlier in my life.”
That sentence stayed with me.
We were literally doing the thing together, right there and then. So why the regret?
I didn’t say it out loud, but in my head, I thought: “But you’re here now. Why regret?”
Maybe what they regretted wasn’t just the years missed. Maybe it was the inaction. The time spent telling themselves it wasn’t the right time… until time passed them by.
The Regret of Inaction
There’s a kind of regret that doesn’t come from doing something. It comes from never doing it at all.
Another moment that shaped me came during a conversation with a friend about big life decisions. They asked me to imagine myself on my deathbed. Two versions of me: one who took the leap, and one who didn’t. Which version feels more at peace?
I sat with that image for a long time.
The regret wasn’t about outcomes. It wasn’t, “What if it goes wrong?” It was, “Will I regret not trying?”
That’s when I remembered Jeff Bezos’ famous regret minimization framework. Before he started Amazon, he left his safe job in finance—not because it was logical, but because he couldn’t stomach the idea of being 80 years old, wondering “what if.”
He didn’t want to regret inaction.
Neither do I.
We Rarely Regret Change
In a recent conversation, someone said something that hit me hard:
“We rarely regret change.”
And I realized—it’s true. You might regret how something turns out. But change itself? That’s part of our nature.
It’s how we evolve. It’s what moves us forward. Even when change is painful, it often brings growth. Wisdom. Clarity.
It’s inaction—the choice to stay still out of fear or doubt—that haunts us. That’s the regret we carry. The words never said. The risks never taken. The love we never gave. The places we never saw. The dreams we let sit on a shelf.
Inaction Is a Decision Too
Not choosing is also a choice.
Whether it’s a career shift, a relationship crossroads, or a creative idea you’ve buried for years—the moment you don’t act, you’re shaping your future just as much as when you do.
And here’s the truth: people will project. Friends might hold you back, not out of harm, but out of love—or fear. They might be projecting their own regrets. So while it’s wise to listen, you can’t outsource your decisions.
Only you can know what will bring you peace on that imagined deathbed.
Because ultimately, no one else has to live with your regret but you.
Change Is Natural. Regret Doesn’t Have to Be.
Another friend reminded me: “Change is part of us.”
We are built to evolve. It’s in our DNA. If you’re alive, you’re meant to move. Tigers run. Trees grow. People adapt.
Inaction? That’s unnatural. That’s what keeps us stuck in lives we’ve outgrown. It’s what makes us feel like something’s missing… even when everything looks fine on the outside.
So if you’re standing at a crossroads—choose something. Try. Leap. Say yes. Say no. But decide.
Regret doesn’t come from change.
Regret comes from waiting too long to become who you wanted to be.