We Evolved by Giving, Not Taking
How Giving Abundance, Not Scarcity, Will Give Us a Brighter Future
I just finished reading Give and Take by Adam Grant, and it left me thinking less about career strategies and more about the kind of world we could build if we lived differently.
Grant’s book breaks people into three categories: takers, who look out for themselves first; matchers, who trade value fairly, tit for tat; and givers, who offer more than they take.
On the surface, it seems obvious who wins. Takers climb quickly. Matchers stay safe. Givers risk being left behind. But the story is more nuanced — because in the long run, givers also rise to the top. Why? Because giving spreads.
Our survival
As a species, we have always had the capacity to be kind. It is kindness — the willingness to share, to give, to act beyond ourselves — that allows us to form communities and survive together. Look at ants: individually, they are small, fragile, and almost powerless. But as a colony, acting in pure collectivity, they become one of the most resilient species on earth. Their survival depends on going beyond the self. Humanity isn’t so different. When we only take, we think only of our own survival. But when we give, when we act as a collective, we allow the species to thrive. Going beyond the self isn’t just noble — it’s how we evolved to become the dominant species.
“A tribe including many members who, from possessing in a high degree the spirit of patriotism, fidelity, obedience, courage, and sympathy, were always ready to aid one another, and to sacrifice themselves for the common good, would be victorious over most other tribes; and this would be natural selection.” - Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man (1874)
And this doesn’t just apply to survival in nature — it applies to the workplace too. When we show up to work only for ourselves, chasing a raise, a promotion, or a line on a résumé, we limit what’s possible. But when we show up for the collective — when every engineer, designer, operator, HR partner, and manager sees themselves as part of something bigger — we create abundance together. The success of any product, of any company, rests on this principle. That’s why Tesla has been able to achieve what it has: people gave so much of themselves not just for individual recognition, but to create something that would move the whole world forward. Collective giving built something larger than any one person could have alone.
How Giving Multiplies
Grant shares studies showing how one act of generosity can ripple outward. When a giver enters a room, they activate mirror neurons — inspiring takers and matchers to give too. At first, it might not seem to “pay off.” But over time, givers build trust, goodwill, and networks of people who want them to succeed.
It’s not blind generosity, though. Grant distinguishes between selfless givers, who give without boundaries and burn out, and otherish givers, who balance generosity with self-preservation. That struck me deeply. To keep giving tomorrow, you have to sustain yourself today.
I realized: giving isn’t about martyrdom. It’s about creating a system where generosity fuels more generosity.
Maslow, Transcendence, and a World of Abundance
As I read, my mind drifted to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. So often, we operate in survival mode — taking and matching to secure food, shelter, safety, belonging. It makes sense. We can’t give much when our own cup is empty.
But Maslow also described something beyond self-actualization: transcendence. A state where, once we’ve met our own needs, we turn outward. We give not out of scarcity, but out of abundance.
That’s what struck me most in Grant’s book: the idea that giving isn’t just an individual act, but a glimpse into what humanity could become. Imagine a world where generosity is the default. Where abundance, not fear, defines how we treat one another. At Burning Man, I’ve seen firsthand how the concept of abundance creates a thriving city in the middle of the desert.
Even small gestures move us closer. Buying a stranger a coffee. Helping a colleague without expecting credit. Sharing knowledge freely. These aren’t minor acts. They signal abundance. They change the air we breathe.
The Reciprocity Ring
One of Grant’s most powerful ideas is the reciprocity ring. Put people in a circle, and let one person voice a need. Suddenly, takers, matchers, and givers alike step in to help. Even takers — when they drop their guard and reveal vulnerability — invite empathy.
It reminded me that beneath all our labels, there’s something more fundamental: we are wired to care. To respond when someone is brave enough to say, I need help.
What if we designed more of our communities, our companies, our lives around reciprocity rings? What if every circle we’re part of — family, friends, coworkers — became places where asking and giving flowed naturally?
Giving Without Burning Out
For me, the biggest takeaway wasn’t just keep giving. It was: give wisely. Don’t become the selfless giver who gives everything away until nothing is left. Be the otherish giver — the one who sustains themselves enough to give again tomorrow.
That balance matters. Because the real power of giving isn’t in one grand gesture. It’s in the ripple effect. The person you help today may help ten others tomorrow. The kindness you offer in passing may echo years from now in ways you’ll never see.
The act of giving doesn’t end with you. It multiplies.
Why This Matters
We live in a culture that often celebrates takers — the bold, the ambitious, the ones who “get ahead.” But if Grant’s research, Maslow’s psychology, and our own lived experience all point to one truth, it’s this:
The future belongs to givers.
Not because giving guarantees success, but because giving is what sustains meaning. It’s what allows us to build lives and communities defined by abundance, not scarcity.
As I closed the book, I felt both challenged and hopeful. Challenged to give more, but also reminded to build the systems in my own life that let me give sustainably.
Because one day — maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow — we could live in a world where giving is no longer the exception. It’s the rule. And that world begins with what we choose to do next.
Don’t just ask, What can I get? Don’t even stop at, What can I trade?
Instead, ask: What can I give — sustainably, abundantly, generously — that might ripple far beyond me?
Because when giving multiplies, it doesn’t just change someone else’s life. It changes the world.